Stop Letting Fear of Judgment Kill Your Business Dreams

Every single time I start something new, I make the same mistake. I try to hide my work until I feel it's ready, or until I'm confident. But I've learned that if I'm just honest about what I'm working on, I am ten times more likely to succeed. Because the truth is, if you want faster results, if you want to get yourself unstuck, you have to make your struggles visible to get the support and the feedback that you need. And to prove to you that it actually works, I'm not just going to talk about my strategies today, I'm actually going to live them and I'm going to share something that I've been avoiding for over six months. And I'm going to do it all from that chair right there. So here's the plan: I can't leave this chair until I have written and posted a truly honest update to my entire professional network. Why would I do that? Well, six months ago, I walked away from a company I found and started this channel and things haven't taken off the way I hoped. As a result, I've been hiding, I've been avoiding people I know, and I haven't talked about or shared any of my struggles, all because I don't want the people in my network to see me as a failure. But that's not doing me any good. It's adding stress I don't need, it's holding me back creatively. And for all I know there's someone in my network that has the idea or the inspiration that's going to finally put me on the map. So today, I'm gonna rip off the bandage. I know that if I'm just honest, if I put my real struggles out there, that people will be good and they will support me, so that's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to let you see what they respond with - whether it's good or bad. Now, an hour's not a lot of time, so I'm going to start writing that post. But at the meantime, let's talk about the strategies that can help you. And the first one is what I'm doing right now. It's setting a deadline when you need to get something like this done. Alright, so let me explain how this one works. So you can use it not just to get started, but to get back to working on what really matters. The deadline is your first step towards making your goal visible. The urgency of it forces you to put yourself out there. And it invites a type of support and accountability you need to keep moving things forward. But it's not just about setting a date. I found that if I really want to hold myself accountable, if I really want to be successful, then I have to up the stakes. I have to make it more painful to not do it, than it would be to begin with. And for you that might mean anything. Maybe it means setting a consequence. Maybe it means locking yourself in a room until you're done. Or maybe it's just telling a couple of people, or like me telling the entire world, so that you know you're going to be called out if you don't get it done. And for anybody skeptical, yeah, there is science behind it. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that deadlines make us 30% more productive. It takes so much time and so much energy to accomplish your goals that any wasted effort wondering what people think about you, worrying if they're judging you, is just holding you back. So if you can set that deadline, if you can follow through with it, not only are you opening yourself up to support and accountability, you are freeing yourself from the anxiety and the worry. And that gives you the space you need to go do the work, to accomplish things, and to get your project to the point where you are excited to talk about it. ♫Don't get distracted, don't read the news again, don't get distracted, you have to do the work now.♫ And that moves us onto the next strategy. And I don't just use this one to share updates. I honestly use this for every project, idea, or goal that I try to accomplish. It's called the minimum viable ... wrong chair! It's called the minimum viable share. And the goal is to strip away anything that doesn't matter and to just focus on the most important part. In the startup world, we have the exact same concept. It's called the minimum viable product. But the goal is exactly the same. There is no point wasting your time and energy on something you don't even know if anyone is going to care about. So instead, you just make something and you get it out there and see how it's received to understand if it has value. So when it comes to the minimum viable share, or MVS, just do the same thing. Just capture what's on your mind. Focus on what really matters and don't spend hours trying to craft the perfect message. Just like the thing you're working on, just like the goals you have. Chances are you're not going to get it right the first time. So start small, start by writing anything, some bullet points. Know that you'll have enough time to refine it just a little, but even more importantly, get something out there that says what you're going through, or what you need help, with and see how people respond to it. This is hard. I'm 20 minutes in and so far the one thing I have is an introduction that goes, "Hey everybody, it's been a really long time. I miss you guys. Oh, by the way, you know that thing I've been working on? Well, it hasn't been going that well." And I know that that's not the level of detail I'm supposed to be going for. That's not an honest update to my network, so I'm going to have to dig a little deeper. But digging deeper is the next and probably the most important strategy. If you want to unblock yourself, if you want to open yourself up to support an accountability, you have to find a way to be truly honest and vulnerable. Because that vulnerability creates a type of connection you can't create any other way. It's going to be a little awkward. It might touch some nerves that you're uncomfortable touching, but at the end of the day, it's the right thing to do. So I know for me that means I've got to go away from trying to write this introduction or trying to make it light or funny, and I just have to go right to the things that really matter. Maybe I go to the hardest things first. I say the last six months have been harder than any other business I've tried to create because this feels so much more personal. Or maybe I say that I am terrified right now. Because my whole life I believed that I had this quality. That's where I got all my confidence from. That's where I had this willingness to take these risks because I thought that I was special. And now that I've made 50 videos where I was putting all that out there and basically nobody seems to care. I had to question it that was just a delusion. And if the result of starting this is that I lose that confidence, that I realize that I don't have something special, then not only will it be a failure, but it like destroy my ability to do big and impressive thing for the rest of my life. And that would be the worst possible outcome ever. That might be a little heavy to start with. So trying to figure out how to put something like this together really is an art. You know, you're trying to craft how to weave it together, how to draw people in and how to not scare them. One of the things that I always try to avoid when I'm doing this is the emails that come afterwards from people just asking, "Are you okay? Do you need help?" So maybe I start a little lighter. Maybe I don't go to that dark place. I could say that I've spent thousands of dollars over the past six months. And I bought microphones and cameras and lights and none of it's made a difference. And it makes me wonder what it is that actually makes people want to watch videos. Maybe they don't anymore. I could say that I haven't made a dime. I don't know if and when I ever will, but that I'm not going to give up for some reason because it's still fun, even though it's terrifying. Maybe the most important thing to say, so that I open the door for other people who maybe are in the same situation. Even if I'm not making videos, just trying to do anything in life is to say that I now understand what it is like to experience true self-doubt. Now I understand just how paralyzing those types of fears are because there's days where I wake up and I don't know my left from right. I don't know what I should do because everything I've tried before has had absolutely no impact on the things that I wanted to work. And I just feel like I shouldn't do anything. But I don't know. I will figure it out away to put all that together. I've touched that nerve just talking to you about it right now. So I'm going to take a minute. While I do that, while I gather my thoughts, you can go talk about the next strategy. But yeah, I'll be back with hopefully something better written in a few minutes. So here's the thing about fear of judgment. It doesn't just make us scared. It makes us overthink everything. We spend so much time trying to curate a version of ourselves that makes us look strong. Or we just assume that people are going to judge us if we share our struggles. But we're generally just wrong. There's actually a term for it. It's called the fear of negative evaluation. Yeah, we expect the worst. But the research says it's the opposite. People respect us more, not less when we're vulnerable and open. That vulnerability creates a type of connection that you can't get any other way. And it makes people want to support you, not tear you down. That's true, right? Right, guys? Because I'm kind of putting myself out there. And that's why usually the best way forward is to just be yourself, to be vulnerable. Yeah, it'll be a little messy. It'll be awkward. It might be uncomfortable sharing that much information. But when you let people see who you really are and what you're really going through, it's freeing. And it is the best way to get yourself unstuck. So it hasn't gotten a whole lot better. It's really difficult to write something like this. So I'd have to make a pretty hard decision. I decided that I'm not going to write a post. But I'm also not going to quit. I promised you that I was going to update my entire network. So what I've decided to do is I've decided to post this video. I couldn't find the words in writing to say the things that I wanted. To capture both the struggles I've had, but also some of the optimism that I still feel. And I think that just sharing this video kind of captures both. I've shared and I've talked about all the things I wanted to say to my friends and former colleagues. But it's also a video. It shows that I'm still doing it. It shows that I'm not quitting. It shows that I'm learning and getting better. I hope. So this is what I'm going to send to everyone that I know. My family that's on LinkedIn, my friends, my former bosses, investors, some public figures. And hopefully, I'm not judged twice as hard because they're not just seeing my vulnerability, but they're also seeing my creative work. Hopefully, this connects with the right people and something positive comes from it. So I'm going to edit in some new segments, I'm going to work on getting that all together, what you talked to other me about the last strategy. And then I'll see you back here to post it and to do a recap of what happened after the world saw my darkest deepest fears. Okay, so I know that this strategy is kind of the opposite of what I'm doing here. But sometimes the best way to get started is to just start small. Even sharing with a couple of friends, what you're up to, what you're struggling with can be enough to get the ball rolling. Vulnerability isn't about broadcasting your struggles to the entire world. I should probably remember that. It's about finding the people who will support you and support you the way you need it. There really is no perfect way to do it. It's not about perfection. It's about unburdening yourself. It's about creating new connections for you and for them. And it's about giving yourself the space you need to accomplish the things you've been trying to do. So just ask yourself, who do I know? What have I been holding back and how would they handle it if I let it all out? If I was honest about my struggles? And try it out and see what happens. You'll be surprised how many people out there will not only go out of their way to support you but how many people will also open up about their own struggles when you open that door. Okay, here we go. I've got the video edited. I've got my LinkedIn post all queued up and I'm honestly feeling all kinds of emotions right now. I am both anxious and scared but I'm also kind of excited. I'm really curious to see who responds. What they say, what the messages are. I'm also kind of surprised at how much better I feel already. But right now, just having gone through the exercise, I feel better. I feel lighter. So I guess the only thing left for me to do is to actually press send. But before I do that, I just want to say one thing to my friends on LinkedIn. The ones who are seeing this out of the blue, people that know me, I just want to say: "Hey everybody, it's been a really long time. I miss you guys. Oh, by the way, that thing that I've been working on, it hasn't quite been going as I had hoped." Alright, it's been exactly 24 hours, so let's talk about what happened after I posted my video. And I'm not going to lie to you. This isn't the ending I thought I was going to make. As you can probably imagine, when I decided to do this video, I thought that not only what I come on here and talk about how amazing I feel, but that I'd also get to show you some montage of the 100s, maybe even 1000s, of messages that came pouring in and that I'd say to you something like, "you could have this same type of outpouring of support. If you just open up about your struggles as well." But that's not what happened. It's not reality for most people and it's not what most of us need. Most of us just need to realize that people aren't paying that close of attention to us. That we are free to be creative, to try things to put ourselves out there, to share our work or to ask for help, without worrying that everybody is paying close attention or that they're going to judge us. And that's what happened for me. I have 2500 connections on LinkedIn, but this post was seen by less than 1000. And of those people, even less than that actually watched it. Those who did were amazing. They were so considerate. They liked the video. They added their own comments. But for the most part, people just didn't see it or ignored it. And that's okay. I know that they're busy trying to achieve their own goals. They're struggling with their own issues and just knowing that I can put things out there and that it's not going to be torn apart or judged is enough for me to remember that I should just keep doing it. I can honestly saying that over the past 24 hours, I have felt so amazing. I've had one of the most creative and productive days that I've had in years. And all of that is because I just let go of this fear. This self-created fear that everybody was going to judge me for not being as successful as I wanted to be. And I know, and I hope you know this as well, that the biggest barrier I face and that you face when it comes to succeeding in any way in life is ourselves. It's the things that we tell ourselves. The doubts we create, the fears we create. So if you can get over those fears, if you can stop worrying about people judging you, you're one step closer to actually achieving the thing you want. And there will be other things. Self-doubt is a big one. But whenever that happens, there's other tricks. I made a whole video about what I do to stop myself from quitting when I start doubting my effort. So check that out next if that's something that you struggle with as well.